You know, last night I was kinda tired and just wanted to lay down watching films but I felt guilty so I grabbed all my remaining energy and went for a walk in the city centre, it`s not a huge city but not even that small so there were people walking araound like me and randomly I stumbled upon a group of guys playing music on the streets and they were honestly good, there was even a violin!
So I stood there for like half an hour and people kept coming and coming, they were playing songs I personally like, Lonely boy from The Black keys being one of them and I was already happy that way; then all of a sudden they started playing song I`m really attached too, “Free Fallin” by John Mayer then “I will wait” by Mumford & Sons and giving the final blow with “No diggity” by Ed Sheeran, there were many others but those 3 were the ones I remember most deeply of my time in London.
This, guys, just to say that life is random, not completely but you know, the most part is. And it`s pretty much impossible to know what is gonna happen. There`s a saying “You never know what is going to happen when you walk out of that door” and it`s true but hey, it does say when you walk out because if you don`t not much will happen. Not saying it is a bad thing it`s just you already know your “comfort zone”, that`s why we call it that way, it`s what outside that is unknown and surprising; sure it does take effort but if you`re willing too it gives so much back.
It doens`t take much, only that first little push cause ass soon as you do it you`ll notice it`s worth it.
Meanwhile I got left there with teary eyes and thankful for these 5 guys, a kiwi one, 2 australian, a german and an irish that decided forming a band would be fun.
Going to take the opportunity saying that if you have a dream, as weird as it could be, just follow it because there will always be a guy like me getting emotional for it.
So a week has gone by and if I have to be honest it`s been kinda fast! I mean it`s not the first time I`m away from home and I really like the feeling of complete freedom. Tried to ride the momentum of productivity and, of course, it could`ve gone better but I really can`t complain. I actually managed to grab the new number today, wish I did it earlier but had a few inconvenient.
General thoughts the hostel is super quiet and not too far from the city centre which is great, not many guests and the “job” there is super easy; sayin “job” cause it can`t really be called job as it`s 4/5 hours in the morning of like cleaning and presence in which I can manage myself with almost no one controlling.
This leaves a lot of time so I`ll have to start looking for something cause you know, money.
On the other side my boss is from Pakistan, nothing bad in this, but he keeps cooking spicy food which IS NOT my favourite but you know you got to adapt.
I was even able to go running a couple of times and I really want to keep that up because it makes me feel good and I also found a great spot to go (it`ll probably come up in some pics during this experience).
And overall feels so damn good to be travelling again, there is always that scary side from going in a new place or being alone but you know it`s all add to the experience.
Last but not least, I know it sounds super sad to say, but I`ve been sober for over a week! And I`m happy about it because it didn`t happen since last year`s June.
“Why do you bother?” I`ve been asked several times, why do you bother even tho you know no one is going to read? Or again it`s because you think you`re better?
“This” started as a way to communicate, it`s easier to write than to talk to people so that was the reason that pushed me, my girlfriend too suggested it and after a while I gave it a shot and gotta admit it does feel nice.
So no, I totally don`t think I`m better that anyone else! I found my mind get calmer while writing and I believe it`s a nice way to show people the experiences I`m going through.
It`s not like I think I`m smarter so I can teach people, that`s not me, i believe in self improvement tho and I`m mostly trying to motivate and push myself and if the meantime I`m able to “motivate” someone to make a change in is life well that just makes it all worth it.
It`s not like I`m writing to achieve something, just something I like and makes me feel better.
While writing to change and improve is ok it`ll be pointless if I say something and do something else so this place is also gonna be about my experience and travels.
So cheers guys if you wanna accompany me, promise it won`t be boring.
So I`m here, arrived in Cork, Ireland this morning.
Hostel where I`ll be stayin looks nice, small and quite; kinda what I was looking for and it`s not right in the centre of the city which is good. I`ll see to get some pictures but I`m not that good taking them.
Anyway I`m still scared but you know, I`m here already and there isn`t really a going back so gotta take the best of this experience.
Thinking about it the “job” here is gonna be super easy and is not even gonna take a lot of time, I`m literally free to do whatever I want!
Thing is what is it? And sorry but “doing nothing all day watching films” doesn`t really count so I`m probably gonna look for a part-time thing to you know, get some money in the bank and after that I`ll see.
Today I was thinking that some side of us never really leave, I think if you don`t like something about yourself just work on it and change it; taking me as example it works but there are somethings that you can`t fully erase, they just get really small in a corner and that`s ok those good and bad things are what define us.
The thing that really matters, apart from you trying to improve, is how you react when they surface, will you just panic and let yourself down or keep going even if you`re passing a bad moment?
I’m actually leaving, again.
This time tho I’m not running away from anything as I’m fine stayin home, I’m just happier when traveling and I’m curious about new places. Pretty much a couple of weeks ago I decided but it’s only now, 4 days away, that I’m actually realizing it and of course it’s scary but it’s a good feeling; it’s scary cause it’s a new place, new people and new everything but on the other side it’s not the first time, I already did it once and it went awesome.
Not a easy thing getting one-way flight, you know when you’re leaving but have no idea when you’re coming back but the excitement, the mixed feeling of fear and curiosity makes it worth it. Who knows what I’m getting myself into? Who knows what is gonna happen? Who knows how is gonna be?
And that leaves the answers completely free, up to me to make it a nice experience and up to me to make it a bad one and that, my friends, is the freedom everyone should be craving for.
I’m here again cause I wanted to spend a few words for a guy who really inspires me. Not inspire in a way that I wanna be like him or do what he does but seeing him doing what he loves is awesome cause it’s clear he’s putting all he’s got into it.
His name is Fabiano and he’s a musician, it’s not to advertise or anything cause I don’t like that stuff it’s just to show what I’m talking about; He’s both a bass player and a drummer but I’m gonna focus on the drums.
Couple of years ago I saw him playing and I was amazed by the energy but I thought it was quite normal, years after I realized it was not. I even saw him again a couple of days ago playing and he was still the same. Even in all the videos, the way he acts, the energy he puts in you can really see he’s into it, he’s putting his emotions into it.
And yes, I know, he can’t be the only one but whatever. At the end of the day it’s clear for everyone when someone likes what he does and believes in it or not, at the end of every single songs you can look at him and he really looks drained.
Just wanna say thanks and guys like that motivates and push to put everything I’ve got into what I’m doing and it’s always a pleasure.
You can get a glimpse of what I`m talking about here with one of my favourite ones, cheers guys 🙂
So as I was sayin in the last post (which you can find here) I was kinda down and not feeling too nice mentally cause I had no idea where I was going and all that stuff something I also believe and always write about is that we should never give up and stop moving* and I didn’t!
And once again I got the confirmation of what I believe, something nice happened again. During today I got the opportunity to move again abroad, a place close to Dublin, Ireland, which I kinda know already and like. It’s nothing special, easy and temporary job in a hostel which is gonna give me the opportunity to actually find something nicer over there and then somewhere else and so on.
But wait, it’s actually super nice cause it’s giving me opportunities so let’s take this as another lesson, appreciate everything cause big or small it’s always something more, it always push you a lil bit more towards something.
Tho, before getting to excited I’m gonna confirm this is happening, first thing tomorrow.And even if not it’s still a sign that if you put effort stuff happens.
*Not gonna link anything here as if you just open a random post of mine you’ll find something.
Talking, or in this case writing, about a problem helps; helps realising it, accepting it and making you able to react better. Or at least that’s what I’ve seen.
This time topic is fear, fear in general, the fear of failure, the fear of traveling and, in my case, mostly fear of taking decisions. I like many things and would love to do even more but I’m afraid to actually decide one of them in particular so that I could focus and work towards it because I could fail. Even more than the fear of failure, the fact that people believes in me and telling them I wanna do something in particular only to fail and disappoint them is blocking me.
Just by writing this I realize how retarded it must sounds. If they are so easily disappointed are they really people I should care about? I guess life is mostly about failing and then tryin again, not giving up. And if I care about them am I really sure they’d be disappointed rather than supportive and helping me get through it?
Super low expectations of people which is wrong.
Guys in the end it’s fine to do mistakes, everyone does, what matters is how you act and react after them. I really can’t keep on stopping every time I’m facing a small wall.
Cause fear is what kills people and of course in not talking about physical death, I’m talking about your mind.
It’s like a dark hole and the more you let her linger around the harder it gets to get out
I went for a walk with a friend yesterday and during the evening we kinda saw an old friend inside a museum, old friend with whom we`re not friends anymore cause reasons but I`m sayin this because the friend I was walking with started ranting about how this guy is always posting pics of food and fancy things and stuff and how he just wants to “show off”. I honestly don`t really care but it made me think.
A couple of days earlier I went out with friends and after a while we decided to head over a bar on a lake`s beach, a really nice place but, being it a Saturday, was full of lads*. Normally it doesn`t matter but what was weird was the kind of lads over there, all of them dressed the same, tight jeans and white/light blue shirt, just a few of them were drinking and almost no one was talking! Basically they were there in groups of 4/5 just showing off, looking at each other and showing the Facebook`s world they were in a cool place.
Gotta admit at first I was overwhelmed and tried to act cool and though and look at them but I realised how retarded that was, already enough dumb people and there`s no need to join them.
After that thought it actually became a lil funnier as I made visible my septum, went to grab a “London style drink” and just enjoyed my time with friends ain an actually nice place.
What I`d like to say is why does it even matter so much what people thinks or how nice are they dressed? What`s the point in showing off and tryin to appear super cool when in reality the substance, your inside are empty?
And I`m pretty sure if you`re reading this you`re like me so please, hold on and don`t become like them.
*Using lads over here instead of “people” as those were the exact example of what I imagine lads to act and look like, like peacocks showing off .
Sorry peps, I promise this time I`ll try my best to be more constant; reason I wasn`t is also the topic of this post.
This week is gonna be about expectations, not really “love expectations” more like in general as it`s something I keep falling for, every once in a while or right after I accomplish something and reach a particular goal I get kinda lazy.
not about expecting, hoping and wishing, it`sabout doing, being and becoming.
It actually took a few weeks to realize it and it hurts cause I wasn`t even thinking about it! It just popped into my mind. Spent some time home and honestly had no idea why I wasn`t feeling ok, by now I know I was, hands down, throwing away my days literally wasting my time. Of course nothing happened and I was almost mad about it!
Life is not easy , we can start with this week and then go on from there but stop expecting things to happen, it doesnt work like this. Gonna use an example here, life`s like a field and it does not grow plants on it`s own you have to actually put efforts and plant the seeds take care and after a while you`ll get something but after that it`s all over again! Yes you made progress, which is great, but it doesn`t become automatic you gotta plant the seeds again and keep on putting efforts.
So focus on this one, work hard towards something and when you finally reach it use the momentum and start working towards something else straight away. It doesn`t always get easier but you know you can do it once again.
My granma used to say “the less you do, the less you would do”.