Posted in Lifestyle, Long reads, Motivation

New Year

“You`re not good at taking decisions” I`ve been told a few days ago and it`s true, no, to be honest that`s literally spot on.
Couldn`t have described myself in a better way, I`m always super insecure and find always super hard settling in either one path or the other.
Thing is there`s just so many of them, how can I now which one is the “good” one?
Unluckily the answer is you can`t, at least most of the time, but you still have to choose.
Few weeks ago I came back home in Italy after 2 awesome, and very intense years and I was kinda planning to settle here for a little bit, organise life a little bit and stuff.
Came back from London of course where I asked my old workplace if they “wanted me back” but since I got no answers I went back to italy, started to plan what I would be doing for the next few months and you know I was just starting to like the idea of me being home doing whatever but being home. And given how hard is taking decisions for me I was pretty satisfied moving towards something.
Of course yesterday morning my old workplace sent me a mail saying they didn`t see my message and saying that if I`m still interested they are still hiring and we could arrange a meeting or something.
Have to specify, this wouldn`t assure me the job, it`s still a maybe but I`m pretty confident that If I went to this meeting/trial I`d be hired.
(I`m deliberately leaving outside of this decision my girlfriend but that`s a complete different pair of sleeves)
This is mostly why I find so hard taking decisions, it takes so much time and as soon as I`m closer to one something else pops up.
Yes, I could just say no but I really do love London and it wouldn`t be for a long time and yes, I could just say yes cause I`d love to but it`s not a sure thing and most of all am I doing this just because is the “safe choice”?
I know I ask way to many questions and as someone said “it`s so easy I don`t even have to take a decision”, maybe it really is and I`m just focusing too much on the details and not seeing the bigger picture.
On the other side I`ve got a few ideas I`d like to pursue while being in Italy but they`re not running anywhere and during the time I`ve been back I`ve done nothing to get closer to them so I might aswell do someting usefull in the next months and save some money.
In the end it is an easier choice than it seems, I`m just scared to take it.

Posted in Long reads, Motivation, Travels

The weel of fortune

There we go again boys, I know it`s been a while, I guess a week or so, but with good reasons!
I think I wrote it somewhere in a post but anyway usually wwhen I`m not writing/posting for some time it`s because there is something wrong in my life and I`m trying to fix it.
I kinda see really pointless in writing to tell you guys to change your life if I`m not doing it myself, I`d rather focus on my problem and solve it and then write about it. Always found better when “advising” people if I can give a personal example, something to say you know, this is actually possible.
So I was kind of looking for a job here in Ireland but not really I mean I would go out and start looking for it but ended up getting tired of it pretty soon, tired of looking for a job and then in the evening being almost moody because I didn`t really accomplish anything during the day.
It`s really slippery slope distracting yourself from the main thing while doing something that is still usefull but can be postponed.
Coming back to the main subject, I started feeling lonely and stuff because of low motivation, I almost thought I wanted to go back, almost.
Then one day I woke up earlier and decided to have one more try and organized the day: I would go to the hairdresser(I really needed it), then help in the hostel as usual a few hours then go again droppin CVs left and right.
Went to the hairdresser, because of family genes I don`t have much hair and again because of “male family genes” I`ll be bald or almost before 30 years old, it`s ok I know it`ll happen and I`m at peace with it.
After the cut I discover this is happening way sooner than usual, alopecia, I believe everyone know what is it(basically there`s a “hole” on the side of my head) and it honestly broke me, I didn`t expected it. Went back at the hostel and you know, I just decided to try my best again and really put an effort and that happened, felt like shiet and first thought that come to my mind is basically “I`m just gonna get stupidly wasted and see”, going to add it was like 9/10 in the morning, nothing surprising as it`s something I already did in the past.
On the other side I didn`t want to give up, that`s one of the thing I`m running away from and I feel better so after 20/30 minutes of mumbling I opted for a nice and healthy run!
After helping in the hostel I was still feeling pretty bad but I went out anyway and I tried my best to get used to the fact people can see I`m missing hair, like sitting on a bench in the middle of everyone, even managed to drop a couple of CVs.
And started feeling better, I mean I honestly cannot do anything about it and it`s not even my fault: I know often is also due to stress and who knows me or have read any of my blog knows I`ve always dealt super badly with it so whatever.
You know what? Morning after i recieve a call from one of the places I left my Cv the day before and was asking me if I was free to pass by for a quick interview. This was actually last week`s thursday: I went and we talked a lil bit, everything seemed nice to me and he was like yes yes we will let you know as usual.
Let`s say two hours-ish later, I get another call from him asking me if I wanted to go the following day for a trial(restaurant), I went and everything was nice! Everyone was really friendly and the vibe was just great,the place was really small compared to the one I used to work in London and this means less customers at the same time.
Apparently it went pretty damn good because they asked to come on Saturday aswell and everyone seemed happy with me. On saturday I got my contract boys, I actually got a job, a really nice and “easy” one, and it all worked out in the end.
There are still a few things that need to be fixed in my life and a few details about the job that will need a couple of weeks to be organised but it`s just kinda minor things.
For as bad and dark things may seem at first don`t let them bring you down, sky can`t stay dark forever.

Posted in Lifestyle, Long reads, Motivation, Travels

Fear of the unknown

Talking, or in this case writing, about a problem helps; helps realising it, accepting it and making you able to react better. Or at least that’s what I’ve seen.

This time topic is fear, fear in general, the fear of failure, the fear of traveling and, in my case, mostly fear of taking decisions. I like many things and would love to do even more but I’m afraid to actually decide one of them in particular so that I could focus and work towards it  because I could fail. Even more than the fear of failure, the fact that people believes in me and telling them I wanna do something in particular only to fail and disappoint them is blocking me.

Just by writing this I realize how retarded it must sounds. If they are so easily disappointed are they really people I should care about? I guess life is mostly about failing and then tryin again, not giving up. And if I care about them am I really sure they’d be disappointed rather than supportive and helping me get through it?

Super low expectations of people which is wrong.

Guys  in the end it’s fine to do mistakes, everyone does, what matters is how you act and react after them. I really can’t keep on stopping every time I’m facing a small wall.

Cause fear is what kills people and of course in not talking about physical death, I’m talking about your mind.

 It’s like a dark hole and the more you let her linger around the harder it gets to get out

Posted in Bromance, Friends, Long reads, Travels

A Love Letter Of Bromance

I kind of feel the need writing this, which is totally gonna sound like a love declaration but it`s not, as I actually never told him how grateful I feel. So let`s write this down and I`m going to dedicate this to one of the best person i`ve ever met, as a matter of fact you`re probably at the top of the list and believe me it`s not an easy ladder to climb.
I also had to really push me back to writing stuff as I`m not accomplishing anything with my life right now.
So, let`s call him Giorgio for now cause he doesn`t know I`m doing this and you know, privacy and shiet.
I`ve been in London for 1 year and I met him around june i think, I was working as a receptionist and he was doing like a “stage” as the event guy at my hostel, he was the person endorsed with the organisation of the nights with the guest and if he didn`t mind also helping at the reception.
Gotta say the first day he was there was complete garbage, he was “helping” me entertaining the guests waiting to be served and occasionally checking them in, was a particularly busy day but I swear to god during that day I would rather been alone than with him cause in like 2 hours or less he fucked up so awfully bad my 9 hours shift.
And of course when I finished he was already gone out and I was so glad it ended I was like Oh cmon, who`s this guy now, coming here and messing everything up?
During the next couple of days he would come, gather people, drink at the hostel and then leave leaving a huge mess behind for us to clean, got me so mad in those days.
Then one night when I was off he insisted for me to join them and it happend, we drank and went out. Was a great night nothing to say, it probably was me, him and other 9 people and he`s been a great drinking mate.
So for the next couple of weeks we kind of went out every night, get smashed every night and talked about it the next day and I was sure we settled to “drinking friends”, god if I was wrong and honestly? I so glad I was.
One of the next days during the afternoon we got a couple of drinks and it was just me and him talking and chilling and it wasn`t like deep talks but was great just chatting about the future plans.
Plot twist, turns out he is an awesome guy!
And slowly we got closer, it was always us with random people from the hostel going out but after the club me and him would go and get food, completely hammered and making jokes.
So in London but even more in a hostel I found a stable person, a guy I saw almost every day and I shared great drunk memories with, felt good.
Needless to say we got our ups and downs as I changed job and could go out less and less but I would still see him almost every night drinking at the hostel, we would look at each other and smile.
No need for hug, brofist or all that stuff cause we knew deep down.
Have to admit, sometimes I would think I was just a random guy from the hostel myself and it felt bad but you know, can`t do anything about it.
And often he would come and we would sit next to each other and just talk again, not the usual cheap talks about the night and what we were gonna drink but more like when someone ask how are you and he cares about the answer.
Honestly all my best nights out have been with him and they`ve been great, we often talked about memories.
Something I often found myself thinking about was how short life is and how important is to have something to remember when we get old and finding someone I could relate to or I could share my thoughts with was so satisfying I can`t even describe, we understood each other.
I`m talking directly yo you big black bitch cause I`m totally showing this to you, you inspired me.Period.

331-the-nest-1390007598
I have no idea where to start saying thanks cause I would start now and go on for a couple of days but to make it short you`re a great guy and you were the first one to actually push me to be a better man, to travel and in general to strive for improvement.
Needless to say I`ve got beautiful memories that I`ll always do my best to keep them close, might be far away but not forgotten.
There`s actually a couple of things I`m gonna regret, like not having more nights out and not telling you all of this before but I realised how much I cared only leaving, I knew I cared about you but I had no idea it was this much, I had honestly no idea I would miss someone this much but, caption this, I`ll see you again.
It`s been complete garbage leaving mostly cause of you, thanks, and the only thought that made the departure bearable was thinking that I`ll be back.
You`re an awesome guy, do not dare letting anyone telling you you`re not and do not dare slacking or not be awesome in general cause I`m gonna find you wherever you are.
Leaving Italy the first time was hard cause I was leaving my family and friends, coming to London I might have left my house for a while but I surely found a brother I`ll never leave.
Close to the end I realised that it didn`t actually matter if for you I was a random guy from the hostel because to me we were bonded, an alcholic bond of bromance.
There is still so much I would like to tell you but I can`t.
I love you man, and I miss you, a lot,
Be good.

Posted in Lifestyle, Long reads, Travels

Random 2am thoughts

So it always surprise people when they discover i`ve been living in a hostel for the past year(its actually a year and couple of weeks but it doesnt matter) and yeah, honestly I can even see why!

I mean, sounds crazy right? Got absolutely no clue about you guys but, i`m rather young, this is like the second time ive been in a hostel and I can totally imagine whats the general idea about them.

But its not my fault! I just fell in love with this one time ago.
Was summer 2015, just finished some exams and was actually my first holiday with friends and we decided to come here, was up to me to kind of organise it but mostly i was the one deciding where we wouldve stayed and in the end totally randomly i chose this, by now I can honestly say was one of the best choice/decision ive ever made.
We came here and I was AMAZED by the diversity of people, I mean i come from a really small city in the middle of nowhere(Italy), we went to the room, changed and  realised where we were.
Our room faced the courtyard, calling it courtyard is a huuuuge compliment since its like a small square with a table and a couple of chairs but itll work for us, so we went there and 3 australians, 1 german and an asiatic girl were playing an acoustic version of a song that i loved but actually havent listened to it in a while (Pumped up kids by Foster the people which i totally still love deeply!) and i was literally speechless, I was deeply and sincerely happy. Never experienced anything like that before and I felt like home.
Suddenly I fell in love with this place, I truly loved the vibe, the people, the ongoing music played in the speakers of the reception, all of it.

IMG_0046-0

So months later when my dream of coming to London, find a job and spend some time here, you know all that stuff, was coming true I already knew where I wanted to go.
When someone would ask me where or why, it didnt matter, here, The Dictionary Hostel in Shoreditch was the only place where I wanted to go, absolutely no other option since was either here or stay home.

Back to the start I actually stayed in the hostel for the first two months looking for a job and doing some stuff (im totally open to question if you want some advice or you re curious) and after that I became really friend with one of the receptionist, he was a 27 years old new zealand guy who would become really annoyied and picky if youd ask him if he were australian but in the end he was great and this is another story for next time.
Anyway he left soon and I basically took his place as a receptionist with other 3 people.
When I was a receptionist I would get kind of free accomodation and since I was doing crazy hours it came reeeeally handy.
But basically ive been a receptionist for like 6 months so thats mostly why ive been here so long, after being a receptionist I found another job which is, literally, just around the corner.
Ive always been a chronical lazy person and I didnt mind too much the lack of privacy so I didnt actually even try to look for another place to live.

So now im here sitting in the louge surrounded by drinking people and Im just letting my mind loose and you know what? I freaking dont mind it, its loud its messy and full of people but this is where my heart has been for the past year.
And everyone knows what they say, Home is where the heart is.
Sound weird but I really like to have people around, I mean, Im doing my stuff and they re doing theirs but still it creates a really nice vibe.

The funny thing is that today the owner of this place told me that tomorrow the BBC Radio will come to the hostel to “interview” or better ask some question to long term guests and of course they asked me. Like they are doing a service about living in a hostel while looking for a house and the struggle to find a nice place with the right money.
I said funny because the got the wrong guy! And its going to be curious when ill tell em.

Guys lets make it clear once for all, Im not in this hostel because I cant find another place, in a year you meet people and make friends that you could share a room with.
Guys, im not here because Im struggling to find the right place with the right people because im not even trying to.

Im here cause I want to, cause I love this place.

 

Posted in Long reads

What kind of music are you listening?

Heyo, there we go again with another writing with no head no tail (sorry, cannot fully erase my italian origin) but still enjoy and have a glimpse of what is going on in my head.

Come on, who in the world has never been at this point? I mean, who has never been asked what kind of music they like..
No idea about you but for me every single time is such a stressfull experience trying to explain to the other person that the music i was listening in that specific moment doesn’t label me.
Apart from me hating being labelled by someone, I love to think I have a quite wide musical taste .
What i mean with these is that i love music itself for all those feeling that gives us, all those memories that comes back in mind and last but not least all those damn goosebumps and so I jump pretty much from one genre to another.
Gotta be honest the genre i find myself listening to more than the others is metal and all his subgenres but it doesnt matter.
Enough with the introduction, the point is how am i gonna explain to you what i listen if im listening to Kendrick lamar and the moment we start talking again the music jumped to Bring me the horizon? (Using more known names as it is easier)
And the thing is maybe you are talking with someone and they are like “oh yes, cause i listen to everything, try me” and you are just face palming quite hard.
Believe me my dear, you have literally no fucking idea what “everything” is and, trying to be the humblest possble, i think i may have got just a glimpse of that “everything” that is music.
Even more when something “heavier” than what are you used to pops on and (sounds crazy i know but believe me it happened so many times) you are just like “oh god what is this satanic thing?”
The same example could be made for the other side but this one was the easier and more common so whatever.
With this being said im totally not saying im superior/know more/im better/you dont know music, im just saying that im a randm guy who loves music maybe a little too much and hate people being close minded about it.
Truly believe music has been one of the best invention/discovery (?) ever and its dumb not taking full advantage of it.
Personal note, ive always desired my days to last 30 hours in total to have those 6 hours more where i could just listen to music and nothing else.

So there you go another personal and random rant or whatever you wanna call it, if anyone is ever going to read it fully please tell me how you’d find it, much appreciate.
Random music lover ­čÖé