Posted in Uncategorized

Wanderlust’s bug

And when you weren’t thinking about it anymore, just busy thinking about something else he comes back, the traveling bug. It’s actually called Wanderlust, the need to travel. It’s kind of hard to explain but it’s almost a physical need to jump on a plane and explore.

You know, I came back from my fair share of travels and was kind of thinking if stayin home for a while but something happened and as soon as it happened I started thinking of moving again and the feeling, oh the feeling, it’s undefinable. It’s like a bug biting you slowly and slowly you start thinking where you could go next, which places you could visit and the excitement it’s just overflowing in you. 

To me, Wanderlust is the need to get out of my comfort zone, the excitement of entering a plane and the fear of the unknown, the knowing that soon I’ll be somewhere different.

It’s not automatic, I mean it’s not like oh I’d like to travel and puff you’re traveling, it takes effort of course, you gotta put time into it but it surely does pay off.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation

The sound of silence

Couple of days I saw a video of a guy talking in a sort of conference and he was saying many different things but the one that meant the most to me was about the “sound of silence”. It may be confusing at first but it’s true, sometimes silence can be as loud as music you just have to be willing to listen to it. Most of the times when we are doing nothing or waiting for something or even just have an empty moment we either watch the phone or put some music to pass the time and I’m not saying it’s wrong, we do that to keep the mind busy on something.

The thing is sometimes we need some time of just doing nothing and let the mind wander around, it’s during those times when we let our mind completely free that we realize most of the things, it’s then that most of the ideas pop up.

I know sometimes it’s scary or we are “not used” to it and it’s way easier to just pretend to be doing something. For as weird as it may sound, it’s actually hard to sit there and actually do nothing apart from thinking but it’s extremely relaxing and helpful. 

Being alone with our mind and thoughts can be really scary but that’s it, they are our thoughts and our mind and we have to be ok with them somehow.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation

State of mind

Just had a really nice couple of weeks, totally sarcastic, in which stuff happened and as always when something bad happens in life we kind of lose our balance, you enter a sort of limbo in which you’re not sure what is the right thing to do. 
So let me get this out first, most of the times there isn’t a “right” choice, just different choices.

In my case in the past couple of weeks I “lost” the person who used to help me in these occasions, the person who helped me maintain my balance no matter what or who helped me give my life something similar to a direction. 

It was our decision, we talked it through and realized it was the right choice to make in this situation, it started just like “couple problems” but while talking turned out that most of it was because of me, because of my incapability of addressing few problems in my life. 

I mean yes I’m really sad but I know it was the right thing to do for both our well being. That being said the last couple of days have been pretty rough and, for as much as it pains me, it’s exactly in these moments that I know I have to do this on my own.

Several times I thought the usual “I really whish she was here to talk” because she knows me and god she is smart. It’s exactly in these moments, where you feel helpless, worthless and never enough that you should be brave enough to not rely on anyone. Of course goes without saying that these are the hardest time to do so.

Plus, in my case this is what lead me here anyway and I really need to sort it out; at first I was thinking “so I can go back to her and say sorry” but that’s not it, it’s more like I need to solve this “so I can feel good again and then I can properly apologize and say thanks”. 

What I’m saying is, and it probably sounds really egoistic, I’m not doing this to get back with her, I want to do this for myself and when I’m in a better state of mind I’ll see what happens.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation

Helping hand

I’m here today to tell you it’s ok to need help sometimes, it’s totally fine and sooner or later it will happen! Take it from a random guy on the internet who often feels like that but even more often its way to stubborn to admit it.

But also take it from a guy who went quite a few times to a psicologist in the past and really liked it while being incredibly skeptic at first. I mean I guess my idea at first was that only people with real problem should go but hey, everyone has its own demons. Whatever your problems may be, big or small, it’s always helpful to talk with a person completely outside of your life who doesn’t know you but who kind of studied this things and would be able to guide you through your thoughts. Someone who you can freely talk to and who you really don’t have to impress.

Or just be like me, way to stubborn and wanting to solve everything by  himself. Up to you, really.

Posted in Lifestyle, Long reads, Motivation

New Year

“You`re not good at taking decisions” I`ve been told a few days ago and it`s true, no, to be honest that`s literally spot on.
Couldn`t have described myself in a better way, I`m always super insecure and find always super hard settling in either one path or the other.
Thing is there`s just so many of them, how can I now which one is the “good” one?
Unluckily the answer is you can`t, at least most of the time, but you still have to choose.
Few weeks ago I came back home in Italy after 2 awesome, and very intense years and I was kinda planning to settle here for a little bit, organise life a little bit and stuff.
Came back from London of course where I asked my old workplace if they “wanted me back” but since I got no answers I went back to italy, started to plan what I would be doing for the next few months and you know I was just starting to like the idea of me being home doing whatever but being home. And given how hard is taking decisions for me I was pretty satisfied moving towards something.
Of course yesterday morning my old workplace sent me a mail saying they didn`t see my message and saying that if I`m still interested they are still hiring and we could arrange a meeting or something.
Have to specify, this wouldn`t assure me the job, it`s still a maybe but I`m pretty confident that If I went to this meeting/trial I`d be hired.
(I`m deliberately leaving outside of this decision my girlfriend but that`s a complete different pair of sleeves)
This is mostly why I find so hard taking decisions, it takes so much time and as soon as I`m closer to one something else pops up.
Yes, I could just say no but I really do love London and it wouldn`t be for a long time and yes, I could just say yes cause I`d love to but it`s not a sure thing and most of all am I doing this just because is the “safe choice”?
I know I ask way to many questions and as someone said “it`s so easy I don`t even have to take a decision”, maybe it really is and I`m just focusing too much on the details and not seeing the bigger picture.
On the other side I`ve got a few ideas I`d like to pursue while being in Italy but they`re not running anywhere and during the time I`ve been back I`ve done nothing to get closer to them so I might aswell do someting usefull in the next months and save some money.
In the end it is an easier choice than it seems, I`m just scared to take it.

Posted in Long reads, Motivation, Travels

The weel of fortune

There we go again boys, I know it`s been a while, I guess a week or so, but with good reasons!
I think I wrote it somewhere in a post but anyway usually wwhen I`m not writing/posting for some time it`s because there is something wrong in my life and I`m trying to fix it.
I kinda see really pointless in writing to tell you guys to change your life if I`m not doing it myself, I`d rather focus on my problem and solve it and then write about it. Always found better when “advising” people if I can give a personal example, something to say you know, this is actually possible.
So I was kind of looking for a job here in Ireland but not really I mean I would go out and start looking for it but ended up getting tired of it pretty soon, tired of looking for a job and then in the evening being almost moody because I didn`t really accomplish anything during the day.
It`s really slippery slope distracting yourself from the main thing while doing something that is still usefull but can be postponed.
Coming back to the main subject, I started feeling lonely and stuff because of low motivation, I almost thought I wanted to go back, almost.
Then one day I woke up earlier and decided to have one more try and organized the day: I would go to the hairdresser(I really needed it), then help in the hostel as usual a few hours then go again droppin CVs left and right.
Went to the hairdresser, because of family genes I don`t have much hair and again because of “male family genes” I`ll be bald or almost before 30 years old, it`s ok I know it`ll happen and I`m at peace with it.
After the cut I discover this is happening way sooner than usual, alopecia, I believe everyone know what is it(basically there`s a “hole” on the side of my head) and it honestly broke me, I didn`t expected it. Went back at the hostel and you know, I just decided to try my best again and really put an effort and that happened, felt like shiet and first thought that come to my mind is basically “I`m just gonna get stupidly wasted and see”, going to add it was like 9/10 in the morning, nothing surprising as it`s something I already did in the past.
On the other side I didn`t want to give up, that`s one of the thing I`m running away from and I feel better so after 20/30 minutes of mumbling I opted for a nice and healthy run!
After helping in the hostel I was still feeling pretty bad but I went out anyway and I tried my best to get used to the fact people can see I`m missing hair, like sitting on a bench in the middle of everyone, even managed to drop a couple of CVs.
And started feeling better, I mean I honestly cannot do anything about it and it`s not even my fault: I know often is also due to stress and who knows me or have read any of my blog knows I`ve always dealt super badly with it so whatever.
You know what? Morning after i recieve a call from one of the places I left my Cv the day before and was asking me if I was free to pass by for a quick interview. This was actually last week`s thursday: I went and we talked a lil bit, everything seemed nice to me and he was like yes yes we will let you know as usual.
Let`s say two hours-ish later, I get another call from him asking me if I wanted to go the following day for a trial(restaurant), I went and everything was nice! Everyone was really friendly and the vibe was just great,the place was really small compared to the one I used to work in London and this means less customers at the same time.
Apparently it went pretty damn good because they asked to come on Saturday aswell and everyone seemed happy with me. On saturday I got my contract boys, I actually got a job, a really nice and “easy” one, and it all worked out in the end.
There are still a few things that need to be fixed in my life and a few details about the job that will need a couple of weeks to be organised but it`s just kinda minor things.
For as bad and dark things may seem at first don`t let them bring you down, sky can`t stay dark forever.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation, Quote of the day

Being lost and other stuff

There is something im missing, there must be.

I know I said karma and the idea if you do something then something will come back.

And I also know that it doesn’t work within minutes! 

I’m not expecting that, I know it takes time on the other side I have no clue what I am supposed to do because everytime this week I’ve done something something bad/wrong happened straight away. Good intentions? Waking up way earlier to do stuff? Nope.

And to be honest I wansn’t even doung that because I wanted something in return just because I believed was the right thing.

I’m lost, honestly.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation, Travels

Thursday thoughts

Change does not happen over night, unluckily.
It takes time and effort, sometimes more and sometimes less and usually the bigger the change the more it takes.
This, tho, shouldn`t scare us, this shouldn`t make us stop pursuing the change we want to achieve instead it should motivate us meaning that there is still lot to do and the work is not finished yt.
Usually when I`m not writing/posting it`s because I`m trying to fix/change something or there is something wrong in my life; let`s say there is something disturbing me and often I`m not noticing it as soon as it happen. When I notice it it takes effort to start changing it and of course it`s not easy.
So when it happens I see no reason in writing something because I`m not motivated, where is the point in keep on telling you guys to improve and all that stuff when I`m not? I`d rather wait, focus on the nuisance/mistake/whatever and, when I`m done and everything is fine again, write about it.
I imagine it would be really dumb and pointless to write about something while doing the opposite or write about something I don`t believe in.
I kind of got super lazy lately, not in a way that I`m doing nothing all day watching tv series, in a nicer way; I kept procastinating the more important stuff while “convincing” myself I was stil being productive writing and doing other secondary stuff. It`s not like I was doing nothing, I was still doing something usefull but in my head I was saying like “You know, it`s ok if you`re not doing this (which you should really need to start doing!) because in the mean time you are focusing on writing (which is still good but not really what you should be focusing right now) and I`m really good at this!
But today I actually managed to do both, not in a perfect way but you know, I set the ball rolling and we can start from here, I`m fine with it.

Posted in Lifestyle, Motivation, Travels

Wednesday`s life update

Random life update time.
So if everyone has read a few of my post you`ll know I have a girlfriend, we love each other and it`s beautifull.
And we live in two different country.
I mean it`s bad but not that bad, we haven`t seen eah other in a month and a half ish but if everything goes as planned she`ll come visit me twice in October and November and for Christmas we`ll both go back to our families in Italy.
It`s sad because of course I do miss her but I`m loving the kind of relation we have and that makes it worth it, we boh love to travel around, mostly alone, so we have to accept compromise but you know it goes both ways.
I love it because she always takes out the best of me and push me to keep on improving, important note is that I`m not doing it for her but for me; I do love when she is proud of me, the feeling is great but it`s a plus we should do stuff because we want to not because someone wants us to.
Also, we have a lot of freedom as in she works a lot and I love having my space/time alone while not minding the phone so we are not spending the day just texting each other! To be honest every once in a while, she works in a hostel, the job takes most of her time and I`m kinda sad because she is not answering but then I realize that and I kinda feel dumb.
But anyway, it does take a lot of “effort” as it`s not an easy thing and to be honest again I wouldn`t wish this to anyone because the thing is I woulnd`t be happy with a normal/boring/seeing each other every single day and doing eveything together relationship; for a little bit? Yea but totally not on the long run.

Posted in Motivation, photographies, Pics, Uncategorized

Pics are not so bad tho

I was taling with my lady last night, she is traveling in Spain for a couple of weeks so she`s tryin not to watch her phone too often and ejoying the holidays which is totally fine with me, I`d probably do the same in her situation but more of this might come in an another post.
The reason why I brought this is because I knew she wasn`t answering so I kinda used the chat as a summary, brought all my thoughts of the week and wrote down a sort of list of things and stuff.
Among them being to learn a couple of instrument, not like at a very good level, just you know to spend the time, no idea when or where but you never know.
And then I talked a little bit about photographies, which by the way I kinda never took cause I`m not the kind of guy. But, and it`s a big but(sorry about that) I feel confused now because sometimes while walking arond I can hear my inner self saying “Oh you know, those clouds you keep watching would do just fine in a photo” which pretty much never happened.
Reason why I`m confused is basically here.
Little summary is that I never liked taking pictures because you would take them in really nice moments you want to remember right? Thing is the moment you start focusing on taking the photo you`re kinda losing the moment, you`re not as focused on it as before.
Which to me makes sense only partially now.
I guess we could say truth is always in the middle, it`s perfect to just enjoy fully the moment but lately I`ve been finding myself so happy/into it/enthusiastic that I really want to immortalize it in some ways, just a quick shot tho nothing special or long that doesn`t take much effort.
Because sometimes finding a random old pic brings out so mamy memories and things to say which you hadn`t forgotten anyway but they were just there somewhere deep.
So yep guys, I too, am wrong sometimes.