There is this person I really care about and I guess the easier way to put it is that sometimes we bashed our heads, I know this is more than normal but I didn`t fully “comprehend” it.
It just hit me, like 10 minutes ago, so I`m still in the middle of it but for a couple of the main things I didn`t “realise” what I was really upset about.
I was jealous in some ways, jealous of her trips or “luck” but I wasn`t really seeing the bigger picture, it is not really about luck, it`s more about the effort you put in something and sooner or later it all comes back. At the time I was just upset about it didn`t realy focus but now, several months later, I see and can say I`ve been a total dick.
I know her a bit and I know she always put an insane amount of effort in everything she does, that`s also what made me fall for her, so it`s only fair that sometimes some of that effort comes back as “luck”.
There is no luck really, it`s always been about the friends she made or the efforts she put in the past jobs.
I feel so bad for taking so long to understand but I am going to make that right.

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