Just had a really nice couple of weeks, totally sarcastic, in which stuff happened and as always when something bad happens in life we kind of lose our balance, you enter a sort of limbo in which you’re not sure what is the right thing to do.
So let me get this out first, most of the times there isn’t a “right” choice, just different choices.
In my case in the past couple of weeks I “lost” the person who used to help me in these occasions, the person who helped me maintain my balance no matter what or who helped me give my life something similar to a direction.
It was our decision, we talked it through and realized it was the right choice to make in this situation, it started just like “couple problems” but while talking turned out that most of it was because of me, because of my incapability of addressing few problems in my life.
I mean yes I’m really sad but I know it was the right thing to do for both our well being. That being said the last couple of days have been pretty rough and, for as much as it pains me, it’s exactly in these moments that I know I have to do this on my own.
Several times I thought the usual “I really whish she was here to talk” because she knows me and god she is smart. It’s exactly in these moments, where you feel helpless, worthless and never enough that you should be brave enough to not rely on anyone. Of course goes without saying that these are the hardest time to do so.
Plus, in my case this is what lead me here anyway and I really need to sort it out; at first I was thinking “so I can go back to her and say sorry” but that’s not it, it’s more like I need to solve this “so I can feel good again and then I can properly apologize and say thanks”.
What I’m saying is, and it probably sounds really egoistic, I’m not doing this to get back with her, I want to do this for myself and when I’m in a better state of mind I’ll see what happens.