I went for a walk with a friend yesterday and during the evening we kinda saw an old friend inside a museum, old friend with whom we`re not friends anymore cause reasons but I`m sayin this because the friend I was walking with started ranting about how this guy is always posting pics of food and fancy things and stuff and how he just wants to “show off”. I honestly don`t really care but it made me think.
A couple of days earlier I went out with friends and after a while we decided to head over a bar on a lake`s beach, a really nice place but, being it a Saturday, was full of lads*. Normally it doesn`t matter but what was weird was the kind of lads over there, all of them dressed the same, tight jeans and white/light blue shirt, just a few of them were drinking and almost no one was talking! Basically they were there in groups of 4/5 just showing off, looking at each other and showing the Facebook`s world they were in a cool place.
Gotta admit at first I was overwhelmed and tried to act cool and though and look at them but I realised how retarded that was, already enough dumb people and there`s no need to join them.
After that thought it actually became a lil funnier as I made visible my septum, went to grab a “London style drink” and just enjoyed my time with friends ain an actually nice place.
What I`d like to say is why does it even matter so much what people thinks or how nice are they dressed? What`s the point in showing off and tryin to appear super cool when in reality the substance, your inside are empty?
And I`m pretty sure if you`re reading this you`re like me so please, hold on and don`t become like them.
*Using lads over here instead of “people” as those were the exact example of what I imagine lads to act and look like, like peacocks showing off .
Sorry peps, I promise this time I`ll try my best to be more constant; reason I wasn`t is also the topic of this post.
This week is gonna be about expectations, not really “love expectations” more like in general as it`s something I keep falling for, every once in a while or right after I accomplish something and reach a particular goal I get kinda lazy.
not about expecting, hoping and wishing, it`sabout doing, being and becoming.
It actually took a few weeks to realize it and it hurts cause I wasn`t even thinking about it! It just popped into my mind. Spent some time home and honestly had no idea why I wasn`t feeling ok, by now I know I was, hands down, throwing away my days literally wasting my time. Of course nothing happened and I was almost mad about it!
Life is not easy , we can start with this week and then go on from there but stop expecting things to happen, it doesnt work like this. Gonna use an example here, life`s like a field and it does not grow plants on it`s own you have to actually put efforts and plant the seeds take care and after a while you`ll get something but after that it`s all over again! Yes you made progress, which is great, but it doesn`t become automatic you gotta plant the seeds again and keep on putting efforts.
So focus on this one, work hard towards something and when you finally reach it use the momentum and start working towards something else straight away. It doesn`t always get easier but you know you can do it once again.
My granma used to say “the less you do, the less you would do”.
I`m always feeling like I haven`t really wrote much about the Camino and it`s not like it`s wrong but there`s just so much to say about it, probably just didn`t have much “motivation” to do it so here I am.
Met a friend whom I`ve known for a while and like everyone he asked how it went and you know what? I went amazingly.
In a more detailed way and if I have to be honest it`s been an awesome experience but it didn`t change my life.
Most of the people I met/talked with over there told me the Camino changed their lifes and changed their mentality, more precisely it changed the way they saw things which is great don`t get me wrong! It`s just most of these people were people who almost never got out of their city so the only reality they knew was “small”.
I mean is not hard to see, you spend most of your life in your city, barely moving out of it and then you go on a 1 month journey across spain meeting people all over the world, mind blowing.
However let`s leave this for a while, I`m gonna write more about this later, and “focus” on me. It barely changed me, still got the same dreams and insecurities, the thing is, now, I`m fine with it.
I`m not a different person, I`m mostly the same, the biggest difference is that now I`m happy to be it.
Travelled a lil bit, spent some time here and there and got friends all over the world and made my experience, doing the Camino made me aware that, apart from millions of flaws, I`ve got qualities too and altough I`m not gonna ignore the bad things about me no one should make them the only things that represent them.
I was chilling, listening to music and sunbathing and I started thinking.
There`s been a feeling I`ve had for the past 2 weeks pretty much which I wasn`t really able to “define”, a really good feeling tho.
Two weeks ago is when I came back from my Camino across Spain, useless to say I came back a bit different, I tried to describe the feeling but with not much results; at first I thought optimistic but not really cause to me being optimistic is believing things will be good, life is going to be nice and that`s not enough. After I thought confident which is really close to the truth but it`s still not the perfect description.
I found a couple of post a friend of mine wrote and I found a particular one he wrote when he moved to London which is basically when I met him and he talks about his choice, how hard it was and all the consequences. Having done the same I can tell how scary it is but he went on saying how much he felt really alive for the first time.
There`s an italian way of saying which he used and it just fit perfectly for what am I feeling, he said he finally was holding the reins of his life, he was the one taking the decisions.
That`s exactly how I`m feeling, I finally have a grip on those reins. We can say that in the end I`m also confident in myself, I know that even if it`s gonna take a while if I make up my mind I`ll just work towards that decision till I make it real.
I know, whatever decision I take, whatever “bad things” may happen won`t break me, I`m gonna make it no matter what.
Like before I`m still not sure about life, still no idea what am I gonna do but it doesn`t matter cause I`m gonna plan it little by little until I figure it out and it`s gonna work.
The title of the post is the title of a song by Biffy Clyro which is the one that really triggered it and a certain point it goes “I am the mountain, I am the sea and you can`t take that away from me”. I`m me, with all my flaws and imperfections but that shouldn`t stop me, no one is perfect . My newly found self confidence and hope, no one is gonna be able to take it away, no one is gonna change me.
I met a few friends last night, it was a really chilled one and you know we were just sitting and talking. At a certain point one of them, he knows I write occasionally, showed me a phrase to see what I thought.
I can’t remember exactly the phrase but it was about photos, as in they are really nice because show special moments, make it easier to remember and their importance. Was a really nice phrase to be honest and, even if I like the idea I can’t fully agree with it!
I mean, seeing it from a different point of view, I’ve never been the kind of person who takes loads of photos all the time, there’s almost never something wrong with it its just not me. Almost never taking pictures cause pretty much the only times it would be “worth it” or meaningful are the special moments, the ones I’m really enjoying being it for the view, the place, the people or anything in particular so the problem to me is if I’m really enjoying the moment why should I take away “my focus” for the moment and put it in taking the picture?
Yes, I’ll have a memory, a photo of that particular moment but what’s the point in having a lesser “physical” memory when I didn’t fully enjoyed the real thing? Using an example, been walking for a while and finally I reach the top of the mountain and the view takes my breath away so I’m speechless, I sit down just staring into the nothing and I start thinking. The moment is amazing, I feel at peace and happy, I feel good. What I’m sayin is the moment is special why should I focus on something else even for a little bit when I could be fully enjoying the moment?
There’s no need for a photo, makes for good memories yes but if the moment was really special I’m just gonna keep it inside me.